I am outside in the backyard of my ex-girlfriend’s house with her and her roommate. She is reading the graphic novel, “Blue is the Warmest Color” (I read it earlier today), I’m on Crystal (my macbook pro) messing around on the internet, and her roommate is messing around on FB. I have an unopened slice of cheesecake from Jack In The Box and just opened my 2nd Blue Moon. The first one wasn’t that good but I bought a 6 pack and I want another beer so yeh..that’s my story :)
I worked today. Still like my job at the bookstore on campus. Absolutely love the people I work with. Wish I made more money. I’m done with Franklin University as of today. This was my 2nd term in the online program for a Bachelor of Science in Web Development. It’s the 2nd term and I haven’t really done well in either term and I realize that it’s just not right for me. So now, I’ll have to wait to apply for other schools this fall for Fall of 2015. So that means I’ll have to find a better paying job and work for over a year at that job pretty much close to full time until I go to school again. And I’ve been stressed about it. And I want to be not stressed about it but I’m having a challenging time.
I’m in my last term at my local community college. I’m taking Intro to Biology. My last class for my Associates degree in Liberal Arts with an emphasis in Child Development. Graduation is in mid may and this year graduation falls on my birthday. I’ll be 36.
36. It seems unreal.
I think the stress I’m feeling is because I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know what I’ll do without the steadiness of school. Even though my ex-girlfriend and I are friends, I’m also dealing with the reality of not having a steady romantic/sexual something with someone I love who loves me. I don’t know when that’ll happen again and I don’t know..well I don’t think I’m ready for that to happen anytime soon.
Tonight I can sit here in the backyard of my ex-girlfriend’s house with her and her roommate who is now a friend of mine too, and we can chill and be quiet for awhile and then burst into speaking about videos, pictures, how cool the moon is looking now. We can show each other what we discover on FB, or tumblr or wherever and just be together. And I can smile and feel relaxed and take a drink from my not so good beer and know that things are okay for now.
I’m okay now.