Gratitude

Gratitude:
1) this day is almost done with me and me with it 2) air and the ability to breathe 3) Fast food places to park my behind, study, and mess around on the world wide web 4) finding two things today that were lost! 5)Audio books. Having someone read me a story is still as awesome and soothing as it was when I was in elementary school

Vent: Epic Fight

My friend (ex-gf), A. and I just had an epic fight. I’ve been staying at her place for almost 3 weeks but I’ve been away for at least 7 nights over that time. Two of the first weekends I was at my Aunt and Uncle’s place about an hour and a half away and this past Saturday I spent the night at another friend’s house. I usually am out all day. I work early and go to school at night. She’s in bed before I get home. It’s been fine. I haven’t really talked with her. I haven’t wanted to be in the way. This past Friday is the first day that I’ve stayed at the house the majority of the day, yesterday afternoon and night, and this morning.

Yesterday I had a mini-marathon of some episodes of Dr. Who Season 5 and Season 6. Her roommate came in and was watching them with us and he had some questions. She told him something completely wrong about a plot point. I know the episodes from S5 and S6 pretty well and I was like, no..She was adamant and wrong and I was right and apparently today it comes out that I hurt her feelings when I said she was always wrong. I meant that she was always wrong about her TV trivia. Which she is. I’ve known her for going on 3 years. She gets confused, mixed up, and just doesn’t remember correctly. The other thing that came up in today’s fight was that I was rude to her on Saturday, which I apologized like 10 minutes after because I felt bad. I had an internal sense that I may have said something wrong. What had happened was, I went by the job towards closing to give some cans and bottles to one of my co-workers who recycles. I also went so I could see the young woman I like. I was trying to see for sure if she likes me. A couple people say she does. Any way, I did a not cool thing. This young woman I like, J., me, A. and another co-worker were sort of walking around chatting and at some point I turn to A. and ask, “So do I look cute today?” She sort of looked at me and then J. walked away. A bit later I apologized to A. because it’s something I used to ask when we were together and it upset her. She then told me that she always thinks I’m cute and she accepted my apology. On top of that I feel that something happened with J. in that little exchange. I felt a shift of energy. That’s a different blog though.

Ok. So today, I was looking at the space on my harddrive and trying to clear stuff. I have a couple portable drives. One of which is a TB. About a month ago A. asked me for S4 episodes of The Walking Dead because her friend’s niece was visiting and hadn’t seen S4 yet. I let her use it to get the episodes off. Today when I plugged in my portable drive I saw some things that weren’t mine on there. My drive is very organized so it was easy to see the stuff that wasn’t mine. I clicked on one of the folders to check the storage and it was over 16GB and I clicked on the other folder and it was 99.6GB. So for me, I’m like, what?!! And I am upset. I go downstairs and ask her how much room she has on her computer. She doesn’t know and her computer is about to die. I have my mutual friend check and she has 26GB out of 320GB left on her computer. She says to me that she thought I’d given her my drive??!! and I was like no, why would I do that? I was pricing and looking for a good deal on a portable drive for a couple months. No way would I give it to her. So our friend says it was a misunderstanding and A. says it was a misunderstanding and I was made and said it’s like she makes stuff up in her head. A couple weeks ago she opened my spinach and kale and said that she thought I said that she could have some. I said no, I was saving that for lunch. And it’s just a pattern that she had in our relationship and we’re not together anymore and I’ve given her a lot but I felt she was taking from me and being inconsiderate.

She said I was being a drama queen and I was like really?! And she was like, what do you want me to do? and pointed to the computer. She was watching something with her friends and gestured towards them. In my mind I was like, get the stuff off my drive. She asked me if I wanted her to do it now and I didn’t say anything. She gets up and stomps around and goes upstairs and bends down to touch my computer and I’m like don’t touch my computer. I had to say it twice and she was like I wasn’t going to hurt it. I put it on the bed and all the time we’re going back and forth. She said I’d been snarky for the last couple days and she hasn’t said anything. She also used the word “asshole” on me like over 9 times I think. So I told her she was being a jerk. Later she said that I called her an asshole too but she said it was after she had called me one. I don’t remember. The thing is she said that I was making a big deal out of this and I was like, you’re the one yelling and stomping around. I’m not yelling. And she was like, but your tone is like you’re yelling and I was like what am I supposed to say? I said I think you’re freaked out about not having a job anymore (the job at my store was temporary) She started crying at some point and said she was sorry that she has ADD and that I didn’t understand. I said maybe I don’t understand the disease but at some point we all have to take responsibility for our mental health. She said I hurt her feelings the previous day about Dr. Who. It made her feel like a dumb bimbo. I was like, whoa, really? So, yeh, there was a lot of back and forth and at some point I started yelling to. This is the second time that I’ve yelled at her and honestly the 2nd time I’ve yelled at anyone in person. The only other person I’ve raised my voice to is my mom on the phone (twice in my whole life).

So about half an hour later she gave me my drive back with her stuff off of it. And maybe 30 minutes later I asked if I could talk with her. I told her she has joined a very short list of people who have cursed at me. Her, my mom, and my brother. The people I date no that it is an absolute deal breaker. I tell people from the get go. I don’t have to tell my friends because in my opinion friends don’t talk to each other like that. It’s really disrespectful and unnecessary to me to curse and call a person you love bad words. I told her I didn’t know why we just fought like we did. I have no idea. She said maybe she was being sensitive but she said I’ve been rude and snarky the past few days but she could only state those 2 incidents previously mentioned, one of which I apologized for almost right away. I told her if she has a problem with me let me know. Don’t let it go or put it aside and then bust it out when we have a disagreement. It’s not fair. I told her if she ever calls me an asshole or any other thing that’s not my name she’ll be someone I pass in the street. We won’t be friends. I told her that my feelings have changed towards her. She apologized. I left soon after.

I need to find somewhere else to stay. I was thinking seriously about dropping my ASL linguistics class. It meets twice a week from 830p-950p and I just found out that they are going to offer it next semester. The reason I’m thinking about dropping it is that if I stay with someone who has offered their couch to me for two weeks I don’t think I can make the bus to their place. A. lives about 5 minutes away from the school by bus and 15-17 minutes by bike so it’s super convenient. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m really tired. Less upset now but I really don’t want to go back to the house. I feel sad. Sad and tired.