Thank Goodness It’s Wednesday!
What an interesting day this has been. What an emotional day this has been. Right now, I feel really good. I am listening to my Usher playlist on my Spotify. Bobbing my head with my Beats headphones. I am in my superman pajamas that my Aunt and Uncle bought me for Christmas and a very old comfy teal stretched out T-shirt.
The bus rides home were fast. I got home a little after 11p. I stopped at the store for pickles (spears). I was having a craving. I was able to practice piano for an hour tonight. From 9p-10p. I aced my in class quiz for Basic Musicianship earlier this afternoon. We are studying major scales and key signatures and all the names for each note in an octave. Tonight I took the 4 online quizzes that are due tomorrow by midnight for that class and I got a 100 percent on all of them and a 99% on one that is due in two weeks. I was able to go see the kids at the Child Development Center this afternoon. I built this weird contraption with one of the kids and a huge choo choo train with another. After that, I got something to eat and forced myself to eat it because I hadn’t eaten any food all day and it was 4 o’clock!! Earlier, today, after I took the in class quiz and before I visited the kids at the CDC, I received an upsetting email. I called that person and left a message after I ate. Then I found one of my favorite spots on campus. It’s a small grassy area close to the music department. I took off my shoes and layed my jacket down and made sure my phone was on just in case they decided to call me. I napped. My heart was on the ground. I was hugging the earth, smelling the grass and allowing the stress and worry of the day to evaporate. I have been so tired lately. Exhausted. Busy with school (class, homework, reading, studying for tests/quizzes). I’ve been running errands this week, traveling far on the bus and dealing with the time change. The time change. I really wished it could’ve happened the first Sunday in April because then I’d be on Spring Break and the adjustment would’ve been easier I feel.
I woke up from my awesome nap! and started writing. A friend of mine walked out from a class near by and had just finished an 8 week Interpersonal Communications class. We had a little discussion about communication and common sense and then I excused myself so I could continue writing. I was writing things down without censoring myself and with the hope that I would get clear about things. About how I feel about my life right now, my relationships, school, money, work. The person that I called returned my call and I was happy to be talking with them. I rambled on a bit and I don’t know if anything was resolved between us but at least we talked. Time will tell about this one. In the email earlier they said they needed to emotionally distance themselves from us/me for awhile and I understand that. I’ve felt that way in my past and done so. Sometimes the relationship dissolves into nothingness and sometimes the relationship is strengthened somehow. Sort of like the ocean and the tide coming in or seasons changing. I’m not happy with these metaphors but they’ll have to do. Who knows what will happen in future? No one. We make it up as we go along.
Happiness for me is largely about communication and relationships and learning. Today was full of everything I love.
I had the opportunity to hold someone while they cried. She was embarrassed but I knew something was going on with her and I told her what I noticed and she just started bawling. People ended up walking around us. I told her if she needed to talk, I would listen.
This week, I’ve been in constant communication with the woman I met last Thanksgiving. Life is so trippy sometimes. We are very much in different spaces and it’s nice to reconnect again. I am really happy about this. We had a really rough patch from like the 23rd of December til like mid-late January. True we were busy with the holidays and life but there were also tender feelings on both sides. But yeh, now things are better. *wipes brow*
One of the great loves of my life messaged me this morning about her sons and we’ve been messaging all day and still after nearly 4 years, we are learning new things about each other. I opened up to her a bit about my mental health issues after she shared with me about some issues that are ongoing in her family.
I feel very fortunate as this day comes to an end. I am grateful for all the love in my life, for all the ways we can reach out and message/communicate with each other. I love the technology of our times. I am grateful for music, the music I make, the music I am learning and the music that I listen to and dance to. I am grateful for the earth and the feeling of freedom and safety and love I felt today while resting. I am grateful for all the school stuff that I was able to get done today. I am grateful for my emotional life and releasing fear that I was holding on to. I am light(er). I am grateful for all the writing/journaling I did today.
I am thankful for life and for being able to see the good things in it in the midst of some hard things I am dealing with. I am thankful that I am able to be compassionate with myself and others as we love and work our way through this (thing we call) life.
I am thankful for Spotify and the album I listened to for the majority of the time I wrote this post. Are You Shpongled? by Shpongle
Off to shower and hop in bed and maybe to sleep. But I really should have another look at my take home midterm. It’s due tomorrow night around 6p and I’ve barely answered anything! Oy!