I feel a change within. A letting go. An opening up.
Writing is going well. Thinking is a bit muddled but when I pick up a pen or type at the keyboard I seem to be fine.
Been negotiating the day to day of being in a relationship with another. Lot’s of talking. Communication and the ability and willingness to communicate as openly and honestly as possible has played a major factor in our relationship. We have really easy days and some times that aren’t so easy. But we like each other and respect one another and we are actually friends, so that’s nice. Last Friday was a turning point for me. Something major changed. I felt a feeling of complete peace. The peace of letting go. Of acceptance. Of knowing that she’s a bonus in my life but right now we’re living very different lives. There is a 12 year age difference between us. The 12 years have no effect on the good times we share and the love we make. It’s interesting. It does affect how we view things and how I relate with her sometimes. Sometimes, I sort of want(ed) to guide her and you know tell her things that will make it easier. Or that I think might make her life easier. Like stuff related to school, money, volunteering and so on. I’ve been trying way too hard. I realized last week that I can’t baby her. She has to experience things for herself. She has her own growing (up) to do. And I have my life to live and make right for me. All we can do for one another is listen to one another and continue loving one another and be as good to each other as possible at any given time. All we can do for ourselves is do what we know is right for us as individuals.
I have love in my life and I feel well loved by others but I need to now redirect that love towards myself.
I started with something simple. My heels and feet have been cracking and splitting. The bottom of the toes and the heels are especially bad. They don’t hurt but they are unsightly and they haven’t been healing. It’s hot here. It’s been humid. I don’t like to wear shoes. I like sandals, tolerate flip flops, and I like walking around with my bare feet. But my feet don’t like it. They deserve better. They help me stand my ground and get around town ;p and I can take better care of them. So, I started wearing shoes and socks again. I wash them in the morning and at night and massage them daily with scented oil.
Another thing I am doing to better care for myself is consciously drinking more water.
Another thing I am doing is not staying out so late. I am getting back to my friend’s place about an hour earlier than before. I am going to bed at a decent time. I am writing and drawing but not reading so much.
I am turning my attention inward. Getting back in touch with my Self. Listening to my body. Trying to quiet my mind. I am walking. Meditating. And beginning to be more conscious of the way that I am breathing.
My body feels a bit tired today, but that’s okay. Processing and letting go of ideas/things/people that no longer serve me or the direction I want to go in my life is challenging, busy work.
The best part of today is that it is absolutely gorgeous outside. Absolutely perfect San Diego weather.
Happy Monday All! or depending on what day you’re reading Happy ( )day!