I’ve been waiting for a good time to write in my blog. I’ve been waiting for some peace and some time and I realized that if I kept waiting I’d never get to it so here I am. It’s Saturday night. I’m in my girlfriend’s room and a movie is on in the background. I’ve been stressed. So stressed. The weekend that I moved into my new place I was having little vertigo things. I would almost fall over. By Monday I could barely get out of bed. I felt like I was sinking into the floor. When I raise my head it felt like I was spinning out of control. My girlfriend took get care of me. She brought me food and she walked me to class that night. I was leaning on her and still almost fell over. Class was only an hour. I got home and went to sleep.
The next day I went to the Doctor’s office. At 9am my blood pressure (bp) was 161/110. I had taken my medication that morning. My pulse was faint. Two nurses took my bp and my pulse. It was decided that I had to take some pill and lay in the darkened room for 20 minutes. Within the minute I could feel my whole body deflate. It felt like all the air was going out of me. I was so relaxed. The next bp reading was 140/100. A doctor came in and talked with me and took a brief history and I think was a little put off by my Trans-status. He seemed uncomfortable when I gave him answers about my history. My previous doctor as awesome but she stopped working at the clinic I go to. She was sensitive and knowledgeable about Transpeople. Anyways, I was put on new medication and the bp reading they did before I went home ended up being 120/90. The medication that he gave me for the vertigo he told me not to take before class because it would make me drowsy. Great! He also wrote me a note that took me out of school for the rest of the week. For the next few days I slept for 12 hours on average. I could not stay awake. My eyes were always sleepy. But I got through the week. I must have needed the sleep.
Last week I went to school but didn’t do any homework. This week coming up I have a test on Monday, two homework assignments due, and an Exam on Wednesday, then Spring Break!!!
So that’s school and health. I read that a spiritual reason for vertigo is confusion, not knowing which direction to go. And that is how I’ve been feeling. I’m slowly figuring things out. I want to create more. Create more joy. Create more love. Create more art. And I am really tired of school. I love learning but I’m not digging homework anymore or going to class. After this semester I am one class away from an A.A. I don’t know yet what I’ll do after that. Hm..make art, make love, have fun.
My awesome Aunt bought and sent to me a blood pressure monitor. My readings for the last 3 days have been 138/83, 110/78, and today 107/80. My gf said I need to watch that the top number doesn’t go below 100. I’ve started to slow down and work on relaxation and I am drinking more water because I heard that dehydration could attribute to high blood pressure.
The movie The Perks of Being A Wildflower and all involved in it’s making
Crystal (my laptop)
my gf for letting me come over to study and write. I was feeling lonely at my place.
Music today: Jimi Hendrix, Amos Lee
I found a place! I payed my rent today and got my key. I saw an ad last Friday and the landlady, Rosa, got back to me on Saturday to schedule a time for Monday. I saw the place and thought about it and the next day I put a deposit down. It was partially furnished but I only chose to keep the dresser, a couch thing that opens up and has a lot of space under its lid, and a nice floor lap. After I put down the deposit I emailed a couple carpet cleaner businesses to see about prices for doing one room. The carpet wasn’t too dirty but I sleep on the floor (I have a japanese style futon) and I wanted to start off with as clean as possible. My place is like a little studio but it’s just one room. There are two houses on the property. My place is behind the second house (back house). I can enter the backyard by going through the front door of the second house and through the sliding door which is immediately to the left. I can use the kitchen and the bathroom. I share the bathroom with two guys. One is never there. I met the other one today. He’s 6 months into Culinary School. He seems nice.
The second house (back house) has 6 or 7 bedrooms. Every door has a doorknob lock so it’s like separate apartment rooms in the house. Students mostly live there, there’s a couple who I haven’t met and my landlady’s brother lives there (who I have met). He is full of energy and seems like a good guy. The wi-fi is excellent! I finally see how my computer is supposed to run. No matter what speed of ram you have, if the internet is not fast, the computer won’t get to be all that it can be. Now back to the living space The kitchen and living room are spacious. I know for some, the kitchen and the bathroom being in the house would be a problem. For me, at this point, it’s not. I like that’ll I have my own little space and that there’s two ways I can get to it. The other way is through the gate by the driveway and along the side of the two houses. The front house and the back house (2nd house) are separated by a gate and there’s a gate separating the back house from my place. My landlady, Rosa, told me that I’m not on a lease. It’s month to month. If I don’t like it I can leave at any time. If I don’t give her notice she’ll keep the deposit. I think that’s fair. When I met her she told me that she was thinking of keeping the place for herself. She had ideas about how she wanted to decorate it. Her niece, who is a dancer stayed there before. There are a couple really awesome mirrors. I told her that I loved them. That I love space and I really like mirrors. I told her that I do yoga and I meditate and she got really happy and said that she liked that. She wanted someone with good energy and that she had a good feeling about me. After meeting her I was going to walk to school or ride the bus. She offered me a ride! and drove me to school I thought that was so cool. My place is 3 blocks south of my gf’s place. It’s a 5 minute bus ride to school and about a 30-40 minute walk, depending on my pace.
Tomorrow morning I’ll wash first thing. I have everything I need to wash in a bag, except the towel I used after my shower tonight, and the detergent and softner or in a bag to the left of that. The laundry room opens at 7am and my alarm is set to get up about 15 minutes before it opens. I’ll take the stuff I have here at my gf’s place over there tomorrow and on Saturday, my gf’s mom, my gf, and her friend will help me move a few of my things from storage. I’m psyched. Relieved. Tired. Happy! My life has changed (again) for the better!