Not So Soft

My body is changing fast. Oatmeal. My body loves oatmeal. And Yoga. My body loves yoga. The thing that is doing my head in, is that while my body is easily toning up and becoming firm and strong, my mind is lagging behind. My mind is like a whipping boy for my emotions. I woke up angry today and I feel angry right now. I feel tired. I don’t want to go back to San Diego without a place to live, but I have a job there.  Gotta keep money flowing. And really I can’t stay here at my Aunt and Uncle’s place. They are fantastic human beings, there’s just not that much to do here. I’d get depressed. I’m already feeling low.

I feel worse than “this is temporary”. Worse than being in between. I feel like I’m nowhere. Nothing. Nothing to hold onto. No anchor. No place of refuge. And when I look in the future, there is no resting place.  Collapsing. I feel like I am falling apart.


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