Transparency, Authenticity, Community

Yesterday I ran out of clean underwear. I have 7 boxer briefs and flipped one yesterday *groans* and am commando today! *le sigh*

Last night, when my temporary roommate got home I saw him gathering his clothes to wash and I asked him if I could throw my underwear in with his load of laundry. He said yes. It didn’t work out because there was a flood in the laundry room and we got a little freaked out because technically neither one of us is supposed to be here so we went back upstairs so management wouldn’t see us.

We are living in my friend’s place. One of my good friends, Amanda, opened up her single apartment to us last summer. She’s traveling for a bit so it’s just he and I.

Okay. So why did I ask for my roommate to wash my underwear? The answer is I don’t have money to wash my clothes. The wash is 1.25. The dry is 1.00. I have $1 and maybe 30 cents. I already cashed in my pennies last week. I’ve actually had less money than this a few times in my life so I wasn’t particularly pressed but now I’m a little like..uhhh.

To spare those of you who are like,  tl;dr (too long; didn’t read), I’m asking for help/financial assistance.  Here’s My PayPal. Thanks for reading. And thanks to anyone who is able to give.

When my friend left on the trip, my temporary roommate and I were supposed to cover half the rent and utilities, which amounted to $575 each. Trust me, this is a great price in Los Angeles. Especially where we live. Yay rent control! The thing is, I haven’t been physically able to work in a couple months.  I’ve worked maybe 3 days since late February. I do freelance film and theater things. Two of the jobs were paid. In all instances, I ended up in a lot of pain and near breaking down by the end of the days because of the stress/long hours and the pain in my leg/knee.

The scary thought has been, how am I going to take care of myself? Even with making a good hourly wage, every time I’ve worked it takes a couple of days at least, to recuperate mentally and physically. It just hasn’t been possible to go after jobs. I’ve barely been able to stand or walk far because of my leg. I can’t remember a time in my life where I’ve been physically impaired/physically vulnerable like this for such an extended period.

It started with my car accident last August. I was hit by a car while I was walking in a crosswalk on the way back from a new client. I was a dog walker. My left side of my body took the brunt of the impact and for a while my left leg, knee, ankle, were messed up. I thought it had healed up in like December but sometimes in early February, my knee started bothering me again. Aching, then buckling, and then locking up. Plenty of falling on my butt and being stuck on the street or at work or in the apartment until I could pop it back in place. I took a while to go get it checked out because I didn’t want to deal with doctors and I was hoping it would heal.

I’ve been to the ER 3 times now. The second time they gave me a brace. The third time the doctor said I need to follow up with a primary care doctor and get an mri and a referral to an orthopedic surgeon. That was two weeks ago. When I tried to make an appointment at the place I’ve been seen at once here in LA, my medical insurance didn’t go through. It’s still linked to San Diego. Last Thursday I was finally was able to get it transferred to Los Angeles. It should kick in tomorrow (May 1st) then I can make an appointment. So yay!

It’s been a waiting game. Limited options but every day I do what I can to take care of myself. I meditate, I write, I do my abhyanga massage, practice art. I’ve been sleeping an average of 7 hours which is miraculous. Planning for my future. Making slow and steady progress like the Taurean I am. I’m good.

Food, Shelter, Clothing. The basics of material life.
Clothing I’m good on because a good friend gifted me her old clothes. Shelter because I’m staying in my friend’s apartment even though I could only pay her $200 last month. Food because I get Cal Fresh/food stamps, $189 a month which amounts to about $47 a week. I recently started getting General Relief (GR) which is $221 a month and has to be paid back to Los Angeles County. I’m not sure when though. In April I gave my friend $200 of the $221 to go towards rent and/or bills. Before I got the GR, I was down to about maybe $2. Dismal I know. So yeh. I’ve had about $20 this entire month of April. Some of which I’ve had to use for public transportation.

Why haven’t I reached out to people? Why haven’t I asked my friends or family? Well, those are great questions. Pride is maybe a very small part of it but the main thing is that since November of 2017 to present day, I owe 4 people in my life a total of $2700. Two of my Aunts and two of my friends. None of which are asking to be paid back now. They know my situation. They love me. They’re rooting for me. They’ve helped me as much as they can. I seriously thought I’d have been able to pay that money back by now but I haven’t and I just don’t feel like I can ask to borrow any money from anyone else. I’m not trying to borrow and owe anyone else. I really don’t like owing people. I mean, who does, right?

About an hour ago, I woke up from a fevered nap with a slightly fuzzy brain and a hungry tummy and decided to write this up because I have to try. Closed mouths don’t get fed and all. I do have food here so it’s not completely desperate. I have a cucumber, spinach, water, 2 half full bottles of vegan dressing, a small amount of oatmeal, and half a package of Tuna. That’s enough for 2-3 days.

But yeh. That’s what’s up. Thanks for reading. If you can give anything that would be cool. If you aren’t able to, can you share this blog post because someone out there in the world may be able to?

Cheers and ta for now.