Gratitude-August (21) Part 2

Gratitude:

-Orthopedic Surgeon respecting my wishes about surgery. I follow up in early October a week or so after my Physical Therapy ends.

-The Carters’ Boss as well as Kehlani’s repertoire, holding me down. Mad thankful for the right music at the right time. Comforting.

-My cousin Tasha for sending me a funny video to lift my vibration.

-Facebook for facilitating easy contact with acquaintances, friends, family.

-Electricity issue has been sorted. Issue with auto payment. Will be on tomorrow 😊👍🏾

-My Aunt for sending me money for food and to cover my public transportation needs to get to all these appointments 😊

-My roommate for updating me and acknowledging that I was partially right about the electricity thing yesterday.

Also for helping me take out the trash. He took out the 2 heavy ones. I took out the light one. Fridge and freezer are cleared. He was gagging so now I know for sure I wasn’t just trippin’

He also asked me about the sink. I told him it wasn’t a leak. The water is just going. I couldn’t get down there to look. He got down there and the pipe is corroded. There’s also an issue with the bathroom sink. He’s getting parts and will fix both soonish 😊

Overall, I’m feeling much better. At the same time I’m calling it a day even though it’s only 2p! Haha I just want to be unconscious/unaware/asleep, so that’s what’s up.

Thanks for reading!

Please fee free to share anything you’re grateful for.

Snapshot Status: Safe Mode

The electricity has been off for a day. All the food is spoiled. All the windows are open. The apartment smells lovely. I’m trying not to vomit.

***

I had my first full on physical therapy appointment yesterday morning. It went well. I’m sore but feeling hopeful about my ability to build the muscles back up in my leg.

***

When I got back to the apartment in the afternoon, my roommate said the power was off. Renovations are being done on the building. He thought it was due to that. I was like no, the power is on in the building. I opened the door to show the hall lights were on. Fun snippet. I went to the store on the way home and bought something for later. It was a perishable item.

***

I did my grocery shopping last weekend after my Cal Fresh (food stamps) was loaded on the EBT card, and took a $5 Lyft back to the apartment. I decided to get food while I could so I wouldn’t have to worry, so I didn’t have to limp to the store, or ask for help for someone to take me to the store, or go for me. etc. The not so great thing is that I have only $27 left on it for the next 2 weeks.

I’m not starving or particularly hungry thanks to stress (yay!) and not particularly concerned right now. Apathy? Weariness?

I have 3 packets of tuna, 2 cans of beans, vegan nut bars, probably enough oatmeal for two bowls, and water. I’m good.

At this point I’m feeling mighty glad that intermittent fasting has been a part of my life for a good while now.

On the real I’m overwhelmed. And at this point, numb. My mind is being remarkably helpful. These day shall pass. Hang in there buddy.

***

I had/have scheduled health related appointments everyday this week. These have all been a long time coming. Some were made back in May, June, and two were made in early July.

On Monday I had an intake appointment to be able to get therapy. I’m now on a wait list. Will most likely get assigned one sometimes in October. He said 4-6 weeks. The person doing the intake interview was cool. I left feeling good. They commiserated with me about the knee injury and shared their story about rehabilitation of their left arm and hand. It took 3 years for it to be fully functional again but it is! Even when doctors said otherwise. They told me to stay positive. Which I will. They also told me about a food pantry that delivers to low/no income people with mobility issues once a month. I’ll definitely be looking into it.

***

I have a follow up appointment with my Orthopedic surgeon this morning to check-in about my progress and to see about some kind of shot for the pain. I’m probably going to take a pass on that shot though. I have an intake appointment for a psychiatrist tomorrow. It’s been 14 months since I’ve had one. Should be grand. And on Friday I’ll be ending the week with PT.

***

I felt I was doing well and that things were on an upswing. Now I’m feeling a bit wobbly. Feeling back to surviving and wondering about the how and why of life. If I were an operating system, I’d be in safe mode.

I’m saying to myself, Self, this isn’t bad luck. It’s just life at the moment. One day this will be a long ago memory. Maybe sooner than I think, I’ll be laughing my head right off.

***&***

p.s.

The kitchen sink pipe broke or became undone on Sunday. There was a temporary patch made with plumber’s putty? last year that’s held up until now. On Sunday afternoon I was rinsing the sink after doing the drano thing because the water had been progressivly draining slower over the past week. All of a sudden a bunch of water started coming from the bottom cabinet onto the floor. I put one of the empty gallon water containers to catch the rest of the leak and mopped the gross water. But it wasn’t a leak, it’s like whatever comes out of the faucet goes directly into the container.

I told my roommate about it and showed him but he was on his way out and said he’d look into it on his day off.

I was like okay I won’t use it or use it sparingly and just empty the container into the toilet until he could look at it. He said he would. On his day off. Which was yesterday. And he didn’t.

When he told me about the electricity, I reminded him about the sink, and told him about my food issue. For me it felt like one thing after another, and my tone was snappy because from my perspective he came across as unconcerned and uncaring.

About the electricity he said, let’s give it a couple of hours. He didn’t say anything about the sink. It’s almost 2a. He just got in. Not a word. And I have nothing to say to him at this point.

***

I don’t want to end it like that. I’ll just say I’m going to try to sleep. Hopefully, I’ll feel better when I wake up. I’m pretty sure I will.

***

Ammended. I’m on the subway headed to the surgeon’s office. Physically stressed, nauseated, but doing what I need to/what I can.

Thank goodness for my stubbornness which is manifesting as determined will.

The house smell is from the garbage and the sink? I realized this morning. Not the food from the refrigerator. Going to see if a neighbor will help me out and take the trash down for me.

Onward.

Gratitude-August (21)

Gratitude:

I’ve decided to do my gratitude journal first. Because I’ve had a day and it needs to be a separate post I think. And because I’m trying y’all. To recognize/realize the good.

-for honesty

-for being able to apologize for snapping at someone without telling them why I snapped. “I apologize for snapping”

-For my first full physical therapy appointment. I feel a lot better inside because I’m getting the care I need. I know what I need to do. And feel supported by the staff. Next week is the year anniversary of the accident. The left leg is atrophied, so with the meniscus tears and the atrophied muscles trying to compensate, the buckling of the knee, falling, locking up whenever, the chronic inflammation and pain, the helplessness, hoplessness, social isolation due to poverty and immobility, fear, depression, stuckness, are coming to an end. I honestly feel/felt optimistic about my life changing for the better.

-Meditation. Back to it. 8 consecutive days. It makes a difference.

-Creativity. A fountain of ideas. Writing them down and organizing notes on my computer before the battery ran down.

-My cell phone. Which is my link. Thanks J, so much for getting it for me last summer and putting me on your family plan.

-Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. I’m on Chapter 3. I love it so far. I found out about it from The Utopian and Dystopian Lit course I’m watching. The Professor said that the author offers the an ebook free on his website. It’s actually in hard copy book form. Regular publisher with many translations. That he’s made it available means a lot to me. Especially at this time.

-Herditary. I downloaded it the other day and watched it tonight and loved it. Ari Aster is creating films that really resonate with me. His work is exciting and fascinating. Making me fall in love with movies again.

-and meta. Gratitude for being able to write this even though I’m shaky.

I’m on a phone with small screen. Hopefully the layout is okay. Thanks for reading.