Gratitude-November (21/22)

Gratitude:

-Feeling Empowered. Making choices in line with my values, knowing what’s right for me. I trust myself.

-Bananas

-Sleep. I slept 10 hrs last night. I was so physically exhausted. Instead of fighting it, eating something, going outside for fresh air, or adhering to my need/want to go to bed after we move towards the sun, I turned out the lights and went to bed.

-giving myself permission to change

-dealing with trauma stuff about my family, regarding Thanksgiving and get togethers.

-Another good therapy session.
I got to the appointment 20 minutes prior and was tearing up and having trouble breathing. I had to step out. Went to the bathroom, closed my eyes, and did my breathing practice.

The upset was to do with family stuff that got triggered when my cousin’s girlfriend messaged to ask if I was going to Thanksgiving next week. It’s been a couple years since I’ve gone. I was like, nope. I won’t purposely sit down and break bread with people who voted for Trump.

In addition, at the house where Thanksgiving is being hosted, I’ve been physically attacked on two occasions by one of my cousins because of me being Trans/queer and him being a bully/jerk.  I won’t purposely put myself in any situation that is harmful to my well being. Not willingly. Not ever again.  I’ll be thinking about my family pretty steadily for the next 10 days. And no doubt feeling sad but I’ll get through it.

As far as the therapy session, I was distraught at the start but smiling and laughing as it ended. I’m very fortunate. I’m so happy to have found a counselor that’s good for me.

-Water. I’ve been drinking lots and lots of water. Also feeling water aligned. Ocean aligned. Perhaps more grounded with Earth. This is a water planet afterall.

-Mermaids. Earlier this week I had a thought pop in my head about mermaids so I looked up mermaid traits and I was like, that’s me! Haha Usually I’m a bird boy. Connected with Eagle and Phoenix. Air aligned, mental plane, observation, higher perspective, freedom, rebirth, regeneration. So yeh,this awareness is a bit different. Excited about this new way to know myself, explore, express.

***
I wrote all the above while waiting for the bus on the way back to the apartment. But YO! my day got so much better. I got my first purchase inquiry for my art!

I texted one of my Aunt’s a picture of a painting I finished the other day that I really like. She loves it! She asked if it was paper or canvas and what the dimensions were. It’s acrylic on paper. 9×12″. I’m out of canvas but have like 700 sheets of paper.

Anyways,  this was/is super cool because she’s an art collector. I’ve been sharing my paintings with her since August. She’s been encouraging since the start. This is just so very exciting! haha I asked her if it was okay if I gifted it to her. She said yes 🙂 but told me that she’d send me a gift card to Michaels and asked me to get on their mailing lists so I could get coupons. I told her I would.

At the same time we were texting, a cousin of mine texted me to say she’s gifting me canvases in early December! Like whoa!!!

Then when I was messaging with a friend about all this, my friend asked me what kind of paint I was using. I told her acrylic. That’s what I’ve been given. She asked me about oil and watercolor. I am interested in both of those but I have to wait on oil. I’ve heard there’s a lot of cleanup involved and possible ventalation issues. Plus money. But watercolor is something I’d love to try.  She asked for my paypal and proceeded to send me funds for watercolor paint!  In the notes she said I could use it on whatever I like though. I almost started crying. I’m teary right now typing this.

There’s a 20% off sale at Blue Rooster (art store near me) next weekend. I’m going to get some then. I’m psyched. So yeh, things are so dang good right now. In so many ways. I’m so happy.

-And as always Dear Reader, I am grateful for you.
Thank you for reading 💜

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