I’m just going to go along and be me best friend.
1 Haven’t tried that yet.
2 Always around.
Author: Evan
You can’t lie when you talk with your thoughts.
from The Chrysalids by John Wyndham
I have been tripping from behind, ahead of myself. Now
I’m on time.
Gratitude-August (16)
Gratitude:
-The documentary, Julian Schnabel: A Private Portrait
-My roommate who is a gift of inspiration, who is silent mostly, but loudly sighs and curses under his breath, sometimes laughs, sometimes moans in his sleep, and rarely sings in the shower with his beautiful voice. The domestic intimacy of his snoring, the consistent soundtrack of the inhalation of the vaping apparatus.
-The pain in my left leg. The knee that holds no weight without protest. Exquisite screaming when no medication works at all.
-Prayer. Because what else.
-Innocence lost because I am aware of it happening/it’s happened.
-The 3 drawings I did today.
-The tender feelings in my index, middle, ring fingers on my left hand.
-Guitar practice/play.
-Meditation
-A change in my eating schedule
-regularity
-Great Courses of America via Kanopy. There’s this one on Utopian and Dystopian Literature that’s rocking my worldview. I’ve listened to about 10 lectures in the past 2-3 weeks. 30 minutes each. Easily one of the main highlights of my day.
-The surprising creature I am.
Gratitude-August (12)
Gratitude:
-For Ari Aster, cast, and crew of Midsommar. I loved it. If you’re the type to wish there were more original movies being shown here in the US, then get thee to the theater. I highly recommend it.
-For my roommate for fetching me water. The water pitcher filter thingie comes in a few days so I’ll be good on not having to ask anymore.
-For art. I’ve been working on something for a couple of days. Which is rare. I usually only make stuff or sketch stuff that I can do in a day. I don’t like coming back to things. But I guess I’m maturing? A lot more thoughtful for sure. I’ve learned an incredible amount in the last few days. It’s fascinating really. Just a different level of trust and decision making that I think will bleed into other parts of my life. We’ll see.
-For messenger and messages and sort of connecting with people. I’m so lone most of the times I feel like I tend to monologue or talk really fast at folks because I don’t know when next we’ll message or when I’ll see them. This is a strange time for me but sort of new which is always interesting. Trying to live in the present and process as I’m going. The past is still haunting me but that’s because I need to deal with stuff and/or completely let them go.
-For Leo season beginning in earnest. I think yesterday or Saturday. Not talking based on fixed equinox dates of the West but like what’s actually going on in the sky at present. Ready to see how we all shine. How beautiful, brave, heart based and dramatic things will be. For me I’m hoping it’s a really know my worth time. And do things I’ve been afraid to do. Add beauty to my life and by extension my environment. Be joyful. Etc. HIgh hopes I know. But that’s me really. A Bright Sider
What are you thankful? What are some things you’re looking forward to in late summer (Western perspective)?
Gratitude-August (9)
Gratitude:
-for my Baby Taylor and myself for practicing
-for food options
-For daylight. I’m usually a night time person but the last couple of days I’ve been out for a couple hours with the sun and it’s been good.
-For intuition and doubt. Learning discernment.
-For doing things I’m afraid of with no idea how they’ll turn out.
-For my roommate. It’s changed for the better. Hi, how are you? How was your day? Got any plans? This is enough for me. A “little” goes a long way. I’m very easily pacified. For as long as I remember it’s been this way. I’m fortunate ☺️
-For sorting through my contact lists on google and ios, organizing, deleting, merging. Cut by almost half!
-For spontaneity and the easiness with a newish friend
-For my knee brace which has made a huge difference in my life
-For tiredness and hunger. I’m never really hungry and tiredness doesn’t usually mean sleep. So my body may be in a new phase now. I’m the smallest I’ve been in 10 years easily. Less than 28 (men size) Less than 2 women (size) I say it that way because the smallest stuff I have are labeled with those sizes and they are loose, and my belt has been adjusted.
-For my queer life 🥰🌈💛💞🤙🏾🙌🏾🦋😎😁
Gratitude-August (7/8)
Gratitude:
-For the day
-For doing exactly as I please with it
-For the gift of time.
-For watching things for the 1st time. There’s only that one first time you know? ☺️
–For Jupiter Ascending, which I really enjoyed except for one part of the ending. I’m glad that bad reviews don’t deter me. They warn but don’t stop! Ha!
-For Coco! Tonight my roommate and I watched Coco. Some of my people have avoided this movie because everyone said it would make us cry. I’m glad I finally watched. Much different than I expected. Beautiful all the way around. Great storytelling. So much heart. I’ll watch it again soon. But with Spanish-language and English subtitles. I wish I could’ve seen it in theaters. If ever I get the chance I will!
-For the word family. I’ve been asking myself for weeks, what is family? I have been experiencing immense internal conflict about my maternal family. There are painful truths I am facing.
-For painful truths. Because healing is happening.
-For soul stretching. Loving expansion.
-For shot day! I marvel sometimes at how such a small amount of hormones has changed my life so much.
-For one of the end title cards in Coco:
To the people across time who supported and inspired us
For those across time and space who support and inspire me,
Thank you.
