Queer (Q)uestions/(A)nswered

Q: Why do you talk about gay* stuff all the time?
A: Why don’t you?
Q: Why do you talk about gay stuff so much?
A: Because most everything is super gay from my perspective. I mean I’ve been non-straight since I was a kid. So..you know everything I see is through that lens.
Q: Did you ever want to be straight?
A: Once. During a really bad break up. And only because I knew I wouldn’t care as much.
Q: Do you ever wish you were straight?
A: 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I mean not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some of my good friends are straight. And most of my family is straight.
Q: Why do you push your ‘gay agenda’ on people?
A: I just live my life and love. I love who I love and I love what I want. And I like to share what I love. Don’t yuck my yum. Why do you push your straight agenda on people?
Q: Why are there so many gay things on tv now?
A: Because gay people exist. Not everyone is straight.
Q: Why is there so much gay shit on tv? I don’t want my kids to see that.
A: Because gay people exist. Not everyone is straight. Stop assuming people are straight. Especially your kids. Our gaybies need love and protection. And just what is the fear about kids seeing gay people in media, in real life? I mean for all of us who have been inundated with images of non-gay relationships all our lives, we still turned out perfectly *queer.
**Are all straight people subject to losing their sexual preference simply because they’ve been exposed to images of people who don’t fit on a linear heteronormative binary?
Q: Why do you talk about being trans?
A. Because I love myself and I love being trans. And I love us so very much. As a whole, I think we are Beautiful and Brave. What I don’t love is the bs from other people that comes along with it.
Also.. if I waited for someone cisgender (not trans) to affirm my existence I’d be waiting for..uh..no. No thank you. No trans person I’ve ever met is like any other trans person I’ve met and no cis person can ever know what any trans person goes through.
Who knows my experiences better than I?
Also, being somewhat open and out helps me meet and connect with so many of my siblings.
Q: Do you ever wish you weren’t trans?
A: No.
Q: Did you ever wish you were’t trans?
A: Yes. But only because I didn’t think I could live in this world. Yes. but only because I didn’t think I could live in this world and be loved for who I am, as I am. Yes. But only because I thought I couldn’t live in this world without my body being violated, mutilated, killed. Yes. But only because I didn’t think I could live in this world and provide for myself. Yes. But only because I was afraid of being homeless. Yes. But only because I didn’t want to lose people in my life. Special shot out to my parents: Mom and Dad, Fuck ya’ll. Yes. But only because I didn’t want to be a statistic. Yes. But mainly because I was terrified.
Q: Do you ever wish you were just born a boy?
A: No. I’d still be trans. I don’t identify as man or woman. I am neither. Plus..I liked kissing and humping with boys so much that if I were born a boy I’d have been a little queer black boy growing up in the 80s. Joy! 🙄 I’m glad I got to skip that. I experienced many privileges growing up/being raised as a girl. Especially in my family.
Q: Why do you care so much about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, representation in television, films, music.etc?
A: Because media shapes culture. When we see ourselves, we can be ourselves. And maybe one day the dominant culture will see us as fellow human beings, equally deserving of good health, love, joy, happiness..and so on.
Q: Why do you have to talk about gay this, gay that? We get it ffs!
A: Because I love gay stuff 😍 Don’t yuck my yum.
Q: Why is everything so gay?
A: Because gay is happiness. Gay is good. Every single thing you see today or touch today someone on the queer spectrum had a part in it. You’re welcome.
Q: Why do you post so many things about being queer? I don’t want to see all that. Imma pray for you.
A: Fam, how often do you talk about or post about lgbtqia issues? How often do you talk about homosexuality in a positive way? If I didn’t speak/post about queer stuff, if we didn’t speak on it, who would? Would you? Seriously, gtfo Unfollow me. But hey, thanks for those prayers. Lift me up. Remind me of the meaning of my chosen name: God js gracious. Remember that my chosen name rhymes with Heaven. .🎤remember, remember, remember…🎤
Q: Do you spit or swallow?
A: I swallow. Yum. How about you?
*gay/queer used as umbrella terms

Lexa Lives: 11 Weeks Post 307

TV Related: 11 weeks ago today, Lexa (my favorite TV character of all time) was killed in a horrible way.
Less than 90s of screen time, after consummating her relationship with Clarke, this great warrior was killed by a stray bullet meant for Clarke, shot by her father figure, who disapproved of their relationship.
I had seen this almost exact thing 14 years before on BtVs when Tara was killed by a stray bullet.
We continue to see these stories play out on TV. The bigger problem is that we see and live these stories in real life. People killing people for not being straight. Parents killing their children for not being straight. Parents abusing their kids, rejecting their kids, kicking them out on the street.
We live in a world where kids kill themselves because they are not accepted and loved as they are. How can we call ourselves civilized when we live in a world where our children kill themselves? I was one of those queer kids. I will always speak and fight for us. I will always speak out and fight for our children.
The fallout from Lexa’s death has been so much more than I can convey. This fandom has accomplished so much in the past 11 weeks. I am so damn proud to be a part of this movement. 

Television is a powerful medium that changes culture. At least now all current major TV content creators are aware of the Dead Lesbian Trope and the Bury Your Gays Trope. This is a great start. Thank goodness for social media, which is an amazing tool to connect with others all over the world to create social change.

If you are inclined, please consider donating to The Trevor Project.
The Trevor Project serves more than 100,000 LGBTQ youth every year with their life-saving programs that include the Trevor Lifeline, TrevorChat, Ask Trevor and TrevorSpace.

Blood Angry Yet Spirit Thankful

This a thank you post to my cousin V, for listening and giving me a hug when I was done talking.
I haven’t been sleeping properly the last week or so. Maybe 4-5 hours a day, and not consecutively. I only did homework for 1 class this week and totally skipped 3 classes. I’ve been feeling really angry. Like so angry that it feels like heat coming from my skin. Like so angry that I’ve broken out in a rash on one of my arms.  And I didn’t really know why until I started talking with my cousin. I am angry at the laws and proposed bills all over our country that discriminate against lgbtq people or people who are perceived as gender non-conforming. As of right now, there are over 175 anti-lgbt bills across 32 states trying to become law. Like seriously. How are we supposed to live with this and be totally healthy and productive members of this society?
I am angry that some of the things I hear coming out of people pushing these bills are sometimes verbatim what my mother has said to me. I am angry that when I came out to my mom as trans the first thing she said was she knew, then a year or so later said that she’d never accept me as I am. That the rest of the family was going along with it but she wouldn’t because she knows that it is wrong and she is right with her God. I am angry because my relationship with my mom and dad is non-existent and there is nothing to be done about it. I am angry because one day this week I woke up saying, Fuck You! and I was dreaming of talking with my parents. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not like this but now, I guess I am.
I am angry because some kids and young adults I mentor and am friends with online are struggling with things I’ve struggled with (and it’s bringing a bunch of stuff back up for me) and I literally cannot say, it gets better. I cannot actually say don’t kill yourself, but I do listen and tell them I love them and they are here for a reason. I do pass on telephone numbers to crisis lines. I do donate to The Trevor Project.
I am angry because our kids (our gaybies) are killing themselves and self harming because of this society that hates and fears people like us. I am angry because parents are killing their kids for being lgbtq are being perceived as potentially being lgbtq. I am angry because people think people like us are less human than they are and think they have the right to abuse us and take our lives. I am angry because people think we are a joke, a punchline. Our lives are so funny we are laughing up blood, bruised bodies, bullets in the head.
I am not just a ball of anger though. I am always more than one thing. I am thankful for family, friends, acquaintances, allies. I am thankful for a roof over my head, food in the cabinets, and fridge, I am thankful to have access to medical care, I am grateful for music, tv, movies, the internet, social media. I am thankful for school, my mentors, paid work in the field that I love. I am thankful for my physical health. I am thankful to be able to put words together to express my emotions and thoughts. I am thankful for you who read this.

Violence Against LGBTQ People: It’s Not Just About A Character

I haven’t written much publicly about The 100 fiasco because I’be been to upset emotionally, mentally, and hecka busy with school, work, and family obligations, but I did post links on a previous blog to orientate readers a bit on what’s been going on and what all the hoopla is about. Other writers, so many really, have been able to give voice to what I and many other fans and lgbtq people are thinking and feeling, and for that I am so grateful. I feel fortunate to be a part of a movement, that for me, is about acknowledging the lesbian tv trope, bury your gays trope, and how stories we tell through television, shape and impact viewers and the larger culture. I got involved because of the devastation I saw on twitter, tumblr, and youtube from the younger generation, early teens to early twenties mostly. It was heartbreaking to witness. And hearing from people my age, (30+) open up about the pain they were experiencing catapulted me backwards to my own psychological scars from growing up as a young queer person in the mid to late 90s.

As brief as possible, here’s a small part of my story:
I came out at age 16*.  I had my first relationship with a girl at that time. When my 1st girlfriend and I were together, when we’d walk around campus holding hands, we’d have people following us making comments, disgusted noises (ex. ugghh), and not just students, adult campus supervisors would have comments/disdainful looks. A group of guys threatened to beat me up because.. I was with a beautiful, femme looking, popular girl who only previously been with guys before. There was this thing going around that I had corrupted her, even though she’s the one who asked me out! (not the point I know). Anyways, luckily for me my mom started picking me up from school and driving me home, my friends started walking with us to and from all our classes, my dad would pick me up from work.
My girlfriends’s mom and her mom’s boyfriend were okay with us being friends. They liked me and loved her, but they were not ok with us dating or being in love. They forbid her from talking about it with her younger brothers. Their reasoning was that we would be ruining our lives if we continued.  So it came to a point where we weren’t allowed to see other. We had to sneak around. We’d get in trouble with both sets of parents. It was stressful! Of course, it affected the way we were each other, all that interference and fear. One of the things that has always stuck with me, was when we eventually broke up, my dad said to me, I’m glad you’re through with that gay shit.

I’m glad you’re through with that gay shit.

That’s how he felt and I believe that’s how he feels. We haven’t spoken in years now. My parents say that they love me, and I think from their perspective they do, but they don’t love the whole me, the living, loving, real me. For 17 + years I’ve listened to slight variations of, Why do you need to talk about it (being gay, being bi, being trans)? It’s no one’s business. Don’t tell people. This is not you. You just want to be different.
When my dad found out I was trans, one of the first things he said to me was actually a question: You’re going to date girls, right? You’re going to date girls. Meaning now that I was going to be living and looking like a man, I should only date girls. He knew full well at that time, that I was identifying as bisexual and seeing/sleeping with guys. That homophobic mentality doesn’t lend itself to a genuine loving supportive relationship. And I won’t at this time get into anything about my mom.
This is only a snippet of what I’ve dealt with, and only a little bit of what I’ve experienced just with my parents. I have extended family, there are people at work and school that say transphobic things, homophobic things. We are joked about and our bodies are a battleground. We are emotionally, mentally, and physically attacked. It is illegal in many places to be in a same sex relationship.  We are murdered, set on fire, body parts chopped off, stoned to death, left to bleed to death on the streets from medically trained people who refuse to help, who see us as less than, because we are who we are and we love who we love. Every time I hear of a transgender, lesbian, gay, bisexual, life lost or taken, whether by suicide or murder, just for being who they are, for existing, I grieve. I mourn. I feel scared, I feel mad. Sometimes I rage inside. Sometimes I feel so heavy, I can’t get out of bed and I don’t want to leave my house.

The inspiration/reason for writing this blog post is because this early afternoon, the showrunner and cast of The 100 participated in a panel at Wondercon. I said a lot of things to my screen when the showrunner was talking. He says he’s sorry yet he’s still lying and contradicting himself. After the panel, I chatted online with someone about the main thing I was upset about. The following pic is just a portion of our conversation but sums up my feelings/thoughts.


At this time I am sharing links to 3 stories that remind me of real world parallels with the way the storyline on the 100 unfolded.
1. Two years ago there was a story of a man who beat his daughter, Britney to death, and shot and killed her girlfriend, Crystal, because he disapproved of their relationship. Britney and Crystal were 24 years old and had been together for two years.  Britney’s father was charged 15 months later, and from what I could find, is still awaiting trial.

2. A couple weeks ago, a couple, Marquez and Anthony, were sleeping in  bed, when Anthony’s mom’s boyfriend, poured boiling temperature water on them, causing second and third degree burns. Afterwards, he allegedly shouted for them to, “Get out of my house with all that gay.” He has since been charged and is facing 80 years in prison. While the 21 year olds whom he burned are physically healing, they may be facing a lifetime of psychological trauma resulting from his actions.

3. Recently a former baseball player,Tyler Dunnington, for the St. Louis Cardinals, talked about the anti-gay/homophobic remarks he endured in the locker room from his couch and some teammates. The locker room consisted of talk about how to kill gays. The coach at one time said, “We kill gays, in Wyoming.” This is a reference to the murder of Matthew Shepard.  There is an ongoing investigation but the coach has admitted to his hate speak and apologized to Dunnington, wishing him a good life. The coach says, he feels empathy  and has been listening to people’s stories. He wants to make amends and help raise awareness about this issue. Here’s a link which also has video links to a press conference about all this.

2 of 3 of these stories have occurred in March of 2016. The 100 aired, problematic episode 307, on March 3, 2016. In the world of The 100, it is true that anyone can die. The 100 is a post apocalyptic sci-fi television show on the CW Network that generally caters to a a young demographic. In the show, gender, sexual orientation, skin color, don’t matter at all. What matters is how to survive and who can help you survive. But the show doesn’t exists in a vacuum. The show exits in a world where violence against lgbtq is real and constant. Some of the people viewing the show live in households that are detrimental to their existence. Some live real life nightmares and injustices every single day. The 100, Lexa (Grounder Commander of the 12 clans), and the groundbreaking depiction of the complex same sex relationship she had with Clarke, (the bisexual lead character and leader of the Sky People), changed lives and had so much potential. That potential is lost now forever, but… the show goes on.  I honestly believe that the show’s creators and writers are aware now and will do better in future.

The three linked stories that I shared above, highlight one of the issues that is important to me but unfortunately there are thousands more stories like these.

Please feel free to share your story or links to others in the comments.

And if you are inclined, please donate to The Trevor Project.
Peace and Love All.


*When I was 16, I was living as my assigned gender at birth, female. My gender identity now is non-binary trans. I started medical transition in Spring of 2009. I live my day to day life, socially perceived as male.