Gratitude-August (16-19)

-The Library and Librarians. The system and the noble profession.

-The ability to read. Thanks, mom, Mrs. Thompson (my kindergarten teacher), and me.

-Ideas. A Plethora.

-Pages and pages, screens, voice recordings, thousands of words. A very productive weekend.

-The panic attack from earlier not lasting longer than it did. I was able to calm down but it took about an hour with assistance.
This was the second one this year. Technically, the second in 5 weeks.
Housing insecurity. The fear, shame, guilt is overwhelming sometimes.
Just gotta keep on keeping on. Doing my best, which I am. What is there to be afraid of? What haven’t I survived? I ask myself. Temporary is what I tell myself. Grateful for this time and all the privileges I have is what I say/know/ believe/feel.

-Learning to trust and listen to myself and adjust in my way/time. Living the rhythm of my nature. Self-correction feels so much better than the crippling effects of internalizing criticism/perceived criticism from loved ones. Confidence is a result .  In many ways, I am a slow learner, but when I get it, I got it! 😊

-Physical Therapy evaluation was on Friday. It’s been months of insurance issues to get to this point but “Dear God, I’m here. I’m here.” 🙃  Starting this week, for the next 6 weeks I’ll have physical therapy.  My left leg muscles have atrophied. It’s two weeks shy of a year since a car hit me while I was walking across the street in a crosswalk with a non-attentive crossing guard nearby. The knee locks and buckles whenever it wants. But I’m feeling hopeful now that with the exercises and therapy I’ll be good.

The Kids Are Alright by Chloe x Halle

-Art. Creativity. Painting.

Transcript: Evan (off-screen): Okay, so, these are my works in progress. It’s Friday, August 16, 2019. I’ve been painting for a couple of hours. I re-watched Season 1 of Derry Girls. It’s been playing in the background. Season 2 just started. So it’s time for a break or time to end for tonight and..(on-screen) yay!

Gratitude-November (9)

-a productive high energy day
-myself for making good choices
-resumes are coming together
-on demand dog walk and being able to hang out a few minutes with the dog and 2 of the 3 cats living in the home.
-M. for being brave. Unexpected goodness in an already very good day.
-Moon for helping me get clear on two important sections of my life. With very few words she steered me right. Also for keeping me informed of political news. She gives me a summary so I don’t have to sift through the mess and be all depressed.
-Job prospect. Set up a meeting 🙂
-J. & R. Both of my friends for over 26 years now.
J and I are present in each other’s lives. R. and I are present in each other’s lives. Especially over the past couple of seasons. I don’t know where I’d be without them. It’s wild! and so very nice.  Friendship love is the best. The choice to be friends is what I love. To keep it real, I was a bit of a shit friend those first couple years. Not on purpose, just a bit careless. Luckily they liked/loved me. I am very much grateful for them. I know how fortunate I am.

Feel free to share anything you’re grateful for in the comments below 🙂


Gratitude-October (25)

-Understanding that my heart’s desire is for a partner and a family and to build a loving foundation and home in which to work and create within and share with the world. Heaven on Earth.
-Tears. Release. I’m crying right now because I’m hurting. But it’s good because it’s just a release. Almost like a little temper tantrum. I didn’t get what I wanted. I’m already calming down. I know better.
-Disconnection. I shut down and unplugged all my electronics last night. And I could feel the shift of energy related to that. I don’t know when the last time I shut off everything. It’s wild to think about. Today though..I had to remember passwords..or just not sign in to certain sites! haha
-Thankful for my friends, for the folks on youtube, for my cool jazz station on Pandora.
-For Moon for providing me a space in which I was able to get solid. I’m so fucking lucky.
-For The Sampson for being his beautiful wonderful doggy self.
-For losing out on something and being okay with it. They may call me up later for another job or recommend me. We left it on good terms.
-For security within. Today I was feeling the most secure in my person than I ever have before. And yo! when I tell you how powerful, how easy, how right it felt. I’ve been happier but I’ve never felt so sure and secure within myself.
-For the gift of giving.
-For the new Doctor Who. I’m 2 episodes behind which mean I have 2 episodes to watch back to back! 😀 😀 😀
-For a fresh cut and a fresh shave.
-For shining a light on a situation.
-For lightening a load.
-For beginning again.
-For self regulation.
-For totally upping my water intake. I feel better. Stronger.
-For pumpkins everywhere!
-For 2 of my favorite musical artists singing one of my favorite songs. I’ve listened to it on and off (mostly on) for the past 2 days.

I am grateful for myself for being myself. I’m so lucky to be able to be me. I really like myself. Even all mopey and dramatic because there’s so much love that I have readily available when I just think about it. It’s pretty awesome and  it feels pretty good.

Feel free to share anything you’re grateful for in the comments below 🙂