Gratitude-August (5)

Gratitude:

-I woke up this morning
-Still catching up with messages/emails. Making progress.
-For being able to chat with my cousin and a couple of friends
-My monster rage. I have been livid on and off for the past couple of hours. I’ve calmed down somewhat but it’s made me really tap into why I am/was so angry. Being around someone who lacks empathy has been taking a toll. I know the reasons why. It doesn’t make me any less upset. And yes, I deserve better. I wouldn’t even wish him on him.
-Knowing I can choose a different vibration.  At any time I can be in a new vibe.
-For looking in a mirror and smiling because while it is that deep, it’s also not at all.
-A roof over my head
-Beans in my belly.
-Telling my truth to others despite judgment from myself and the perceived and/or potential judgment of others.
-For practice. Guitar and Drawing.
-For you. Thanks for reading.

 

Peaceful Rage

I randomly and thankfully stumbled across The Queer Nation Manifesto  tonight. It was handed out 28 years ago at New York Pride. I was a 12-year-old queer kid living in Compton.
***
I feel so angry right now about so many things. I let myself down today. But that’s only a small part of the anger I’m feeling.  I won’t get into what I did and did not do but I recognize my failings and I forgive myself because I have to in order to move forward. The suppressed anger that I’ve been feeling is bubbling up to the surface. Feeling unsure how to handle it.
Anger isn’t something I’m comfortable with but it’s something I’m familiar with. Reading the words/testimonies reminded me that my anger is valid. I’m owning it now. I’m making it my bitch.
 ***
TransPride is today. I’ll be there. I’ll march on Saturday in the Pride Parade and attend the festival. I’m picking up my free ticket tomorrow courtesy of The Center.
Fortunate. Always. Grateful.
Sometimes I wonder who would I be without the kindness I encounter pretty much daily? I don’t really want to know. This rage is fuel for now and I’m cool with this fire.
Your everloving, peaceful, raging queerdo,
Evan
Transpride fist