Sometimes Your Body

This is a not safe for work type of entry. Content Warning: Sex, Sexuality, Control

Sometimes your body is just getting what it needs/doing what it needs to do.  It’s out of your control. Tears, crying, laughing, can come up. I remember I was with this woman when I was like 24. We had a lot of sex. Like a lot. Like fucking all weekend kind of sex most every weekend for months. One time I was cumming so hard. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. They weren’t gentle rolling orgasms. They were rock you to your core, out of your body orgasms. They changed me. That experience changed me. The woman was so proud of herself afterward. That night we went to a tattoo place and I got my belly button pierced. In my mind it was about reclaiming my body. We had been together for maybe 4 months but I wasn’t in love with her. And I had shared? something huge with her, but because it wasn’t love based I felt something was taken from me. I felt betrayed by my body in a way. The belly button piercing took years to heal. Took years to stop feeling irritated.

Trending Heterosexual Pride Day

[You may be] proud to be straight because [you] haven’t been given a reason to be ashamed of it. A statement of pride in your heterosexuality is not a brave thing to do; rather it serves to affirm abusive cultural standards of sexual identity. You are not helping the dialogue. You are simply perpetuating the status quo. (And by the way — the status quo is shit.) Of course you’re proud to be straight; why shouldn’t you be? No one’s going to kill you for being straight.

I woke up to Heterosexual Pride Day trending on Twitter. Yay!!!

I responded to 3 people.
note: This is Twitter. 140 characters per tweet so some of the words and sentences are clipped to fit the format.

To person #1 (woman of color): Why? Proud you were born with a socially acceptable sexuality.  Proud you can’t be fired, disowned, murdered for being straight?

To person #2 (black woman) several tweets: Why are you proud to have a socially acceptable sexuality? Your life, livelihood, basic human rights are not at risk.
When we say we have pride in ourselves we are trying to show our strength and solidarity in the face of discrimination and hate.
This [sic. Heterosexual Pride tag] is like #whitehistorymonth and #alllivesmatter you are missing the political need/point of Pride.
Our history is of violence discrimination corrective rape execution for existing. Pride is our response.

Then Person #3 (black male) and I had a civil discussion of sorts.

P3:  I was born straight OK y’all just have to accept that fact you don’t choose to be this way #HeterosexualPrideDay
Me: #whitehistorymonth #alllivesmatter

P3: explain how either of those comparisons makes sense to you
Me: Ok. Thanks for asking. I have questions for you? Why #BlackHistoryMonth? Why #BlackLivesMatter? Do you know why Gay Pride?

Then I shared this meme:
gay-pride_Be happy You don't need one

P3: straight pride does not bash or belittle gay pride & pride is not limited to one group it’s for for everyone
note: The rest of the conversation I wrote several tweets in a row and sometimes I responded to him when he wrote something but mostly kept writing
No. You don’t have to. You have not been threatened or demeaned because of your sexuality. You haven’t been told you’re not eligible for basic rights because of who you love. You don’t have anything to overcome. You don’t have to convince people that despite their best efforts to keep you down, you still know you are a quality person.
When we say we have pride in ourselves we are not trying to sound arrogant. We are trying to show our strength and solidarity in the face of discrimination/hatred.
You do not risk being disowned, beaten up, executed, murdered, denied basic human rights because of who you are/who you love.
P3: I’m black that can happen at any time to me
Me: This is true. Imagine being a black gay, bisexual, or transmale. I’m not saying one of us has it harder. I’m saying in my mind straight pride is like white folks saying white pride Your sexuality is not a negative in this society.
Why are you proud to be born as a socially acceptable sexuality? What do you risk for coming out as straight?
P3: because I’m allowed to have pride in my self same as everyone else & their does’ t have to be a risk for me to celebrate
Me: And you are of course allowed to be proud of who you are but would there be a Heterosexual Pride without a Gay Pride?
Tell me the negative things that have happened to you directly because of your sexual orientation? That may be my last ?
And I want people to be proud of who they are and have pride in themselves, I just feel that Straight Pride is every day.
Imagine being a person who is not straight in a world that is Imagine losing your job, your house, your kids, your life for it
Gay pride is the desire and ability to be brave and have pride in yourself even though you’ve been told all your life that you are less of a person because you’re gay. And though we’ve been laughed at, called names, teased through school, we can hold our head-up high instead of down in shame.
So when we say gay pride, we are saying we are not ashamed of who we are and will not, despite bullying, be silent and invisible.
Gay Pride is our response to a world that dehumanizes us.
Thanks for reading all this. I mean this sincerely.

#whitehistorymonth IT ALREADY EXISTS

#alllivesmatter ignores context. It certainly sounds reasonable enough and in most contexts, it would be. But the thing is when people say “Black Lives Matter,” they are acknowledging an important context that involves several centuries of slavery, civil rights, mass incarceration and brutality. It’s specifically highlighting the value of black lives because, historically this country has often ignored that value.
from “The Problem With Saying ‘All Lives Matter'”

Again, thanks for asking and reading.


What a great way to start this Wednesday morning! But seriously, I do feel better about “speaking up” and I’ve typed this all up so I can move on with my day.

notes: Some of what I wrote is paraphrased/borrowed from “Straight Pride…Really?” by Shane Jordan

Questioning/Exploring Sexuality: Asexuality-Sexual Attraction-Sexual Desire

I’ve been thinking about sexuality a lot recently. I started searching around the internet for information about Asexuality in 2011 because at that time it had been almost 7 years since I had been with anyone and I didn’t feel sexual feelings for people. I then got involved with two women in early 2012 and was with one of them for almost two years. It’s been about a year since we ended things and last week I was like, wow, it’s been a year that I’ve had sex with someone other than myself and I didn’t even notice. And when I think about being sexual with someone my mind is like, uh, not interested so I started looking at forums and tumblr blogs and reading articles about Aesexuality again and am currently identifying with Grey-Ace (gray asexual). I’ve been reading things about sexual attraction and asking myself, how do you know what sexual attraction is? Is sexual attraction different than sexual desire? If I get sexually aroused but don’t feel interested in having sex with someone what does that mean? For years and years (maybe 9 years now) I’ve called myself a mysexual because I like having sex with myself and I don’t think anything is wrong with it. I’ve just been thinking about how to talk to other people about it. I’ve been thinking about am I ever going to be with anyone really again. I was in a sexless relationship for almost 6 years in my late teens/early 20s and when I ended that relationship it’s because I didn’t want to go the rest of my life without having sex. Now I’m thinking it was more about not having the option of sex. Any old way, tonight I came across an interesting blog exploring these things I’ve been thinking about. Here’s one of the posts: Differentiating Sexual Attraction and Sexual Desire.