Appreciation-(April 19)

I appreciate my friends, J and Cristina who helped me much this early afternoon. I was spinning! I am emotionally balanced now.
I appreciate Danny for sharing with me, as well as teaching me to mind my own energetic business. Gah!
I appreciate the energy of Libra, balance, justice, love, relationships.
I appreciate myself for all that I am.
I appreciate the abundance and flux of creativity and love flow and letting go.
I appreciate all of you who are reading these words.
Bless. Ta.

Love Be Like #3

Sacrifice! Suffer?
Woe, the battle stench.
Let go. Let it go. Let them go.
Let all that is not for you and your well-being go
away now.
Mess & Stress.
Sacrifice them.
Let them weep, whine, perish.

Sacrifice or suffer,
old habits, rooted falsehoods, childhood wounds, fear.
Sacrifice Fear of love, abandonment, rejection, success, carried around like chains, weights, anchors, over-packed bags. Let go.
We are not our pasts. We can make different choices.
Sacrifice any belief that doesn’t believe in your highest good.
Sacrifice weapons/words used against you.
That inner dialogue/monologue can kill you.
That inner dialogue/monologue can heal you.

Spiritual Warrior,
Let us begin this Spring season with new reason(s), true healing,
mass kindness, prosperity, peace, compassion, forgiveness, love your Self.
Love yourself as much as you love your love(s).

No one promised easy. Simply

surrender.

 

Survival, Existence, and Wellness

Every day is a challenge and I try every day to get through the day. And so far I’ve survived every day, and that is amazing!

I endure. I persist.

I can imagine but I honestly don’t know for sure/(barely) care at all, what people think of me, as far as what I do or don’t do. What I should do. If I work. How I work.

Their perceptions belong to them.
My life is mine. I do what I can with what I have. I do what I can with what has been gifted. I do what I can. What I think I can. What I feel I can. Which are all the same thing to me.

Does a healthy brain think this way?,

And if it doesn’t, which I’m honestly not sure, why hassle someone whose brain doesn’t process the same way?

Chronic homelessness. Chronic mental illness. Sometimes they go hand in hand. Without help from family members and/or friends, how do people with chronic mental illness live? How do we survive? How do we exist? Is survival worth it? Is existence enough? I think without our friends, family, and/or public assistance, most of us would be dead. Most of us wouldn’t survive. Most of us wouldn’t exist.

And most of the people we know want us here. Sometimes more than we do. At least they say they do. And I don’t know why it’s this way. I don’t know why.

Does a healthy brain think this way? Probably not. So why expect me to understand or think they way you do, or do the things you would do? I fucking can’t.

Things are getting better for me for sure all around. Financially especially. Which is a relief. Over the past 4-5 months, I’ve had stability as far as a place to live goes. This is the longest I’ve stayed every night anywhere since 2009. That was true at 3.5 months really. And obviously it hasn’t been without judgments and frustrations but still, it’s been beneficial. It’s enabled me a space in order to think, plan, and willfully implement healthy/healthier habits/changes for myself/my life. It’s given me a foundation to create from.

I endure. I persist.

Slowly but surely. Every day. It’s everyday work. I don’t get paid for all I do (yet) but I pay for it in ways that may not seem to cost but do. I’m sure you can imagine. And if you can’t, maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe.

***
A successful day for me is not the same as it is for others and I don’t think people who don’t have mental health issues can ever understand. Those that will take any job to survive and pay for things, pay to live, don’t seem to understand that sometimes, with some jobs, we end up paying more than they pay us. We end up paying with our health, our mental health, our physical health, spiritual health, energy. We end up paying with our lives. I don’t know what the answers are. I don’t know even how to end this.

I don’t think a mentally healthy brain thinks this way.

Does it?

Today I recognize that stability, a home, is a necessity. I will work from home. I will have my own business. The dream. The plan. First things first: Shelter, food, clothing. Basic needs. Then build from there. Wish me well. Thanks for reading.