Lexa Lives: 11 Weeks Post 307

TV Related: 11 weeks ago today, Lexa (my favorite TV character of all time) was killed in a horrible way.
Less than 90s of screen time, after consummating her relationship with Clarke, this great warrior was killed by a stray bullet meant for Clarke, shot by her father figure, who disapproved of their relationship.
I had seen this almost exact thing 14 years before on BtVs when Tara was killed by a stray bullet.
We continue to see these stories play out on TV. The bigger problem is that we see and live these stories in real life. People killing people for not being straight. Parents killing their children for not being straight. Parents abusing their kids, rejecting their kids, kicking them out on the street.
We live in a world where kids kill themselves because they are not accepted and loved as they are. How can we call ourselves civilized when we live in a world where our children kill themselves? I was one of those queer kids. I will always speak and fight for us. I will always speak out and fight for our children.
The fallout from Lexa’s death has been so much more than I can convey. This fandom has accomplished so much in the past 11 weeks. I am so damn proud to be a part of this movement. 

Television is a powerful medium that changes culture. At least now all current major TV content creators are aware of the Dead Lesbian Trope and the Bury Your Gays Trope. This is a great start. Thank goodness for social media, which is an amazing tool to connect with others all over the world to create social change.

If you are inclined, please consider donating to The Trevor Project.
The Trevor Project serves more than 100,000 LGBTQ youth every year with their life-saving programs that include the Trevor Lifeline, TrevorChat, Ask Trevor and TrevorSpace.

Blood Angry Yet Spirit Thankful

This a thank you post to my cousin V, for listening and giving me a hug when I was done talking.
I haven’t been sleeping properly the last week or so. Maybe 4-5 hours a day, and not consecutively. I only did homework for 1 class this week and totally skipped 3 classes. I’ve been feeling really angry. Like so angry that it feels like heat coming from my skin. Like so angry that I’ve broken out in a rash on one of my arms.  And I didn’t really know why until I started talking with my cousin. I am angry at the laws and proposed bills all over our country that discriminate against lgbtq people or people who are perceived as gender non-conforming. As of right now, there are over 175 anti-lgbt bills across 32 states trying to become law. Like seriously. How are we supposed to live with this and be totally healthy and productive members of this society?
 
I am angry that some of the things I hear coming out of people pushing these bills are sometimes verbatim what my mother has said to me. I am angry that when I came out to my mom as trans the first thing she said was she knew, then a year or so later said that she’d never accept me as I am. That the rest of the family was going along with it but she wouldn’t because she knows that it is wrong and she is right with her God. I am angry because my relationship with my mom and dad is non-existent and there is nothing to be done about it. I am angry because one day this week I woke up saying, Fuck You! and I was dreaming of talking with my parents. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not like this but now, I guess I am.
I am angry because some kids and young adults I mentor and am friends with online are struggling with things I’ve struggled with (and it’s bringing a bunch of stuff back up for me) and I literally cannot say, it gets better. I cannot actually say don’t kill yourself, but I do listen and tell them I love them and they are here for a reason. I do pass on telephone numbers to crisis lines. I do donate to The Trevor Project.
I am angry because our kids (our gaybies) are killing themselves and self harming because of this society that hates and fears people like us. I am angry because parents are killing their kids for being lgbtq are being perceived as potentially being lgbtq. I am angry because people think people like us are less human than they are and think they have the right to abuse us and take our lives. I am angry because people think we are a joke, a punchline. Our lives are so funny we are laughing up blood, bruised bodies, bullets in the head.
 
I am not just a ball of anger though. I am always more than one thing. I am thankful for family, friends, acquaintances, allies. I am thankful for a roof over my head, food in the cabinets, and fridge, I am thankful to have access to medical care, I am grateful for music, tv, movies, the internet, social media. I am thankful for school, my mentors, paid work in the field that I love. I am thankful for my physical health. I am thankful to be able to put words together to express my emotions and thoughts. I am thankful for you who read this.