Move Your Body!

For those who are having a tough time right now, I encourage you to move your bodies!
Allow this energy to move through you and out of you as much as possible.
Go for a walk outside if you are able
maybe run, go to the gym, ride a bike
engage in orgasm inducing activities
Dance!!! in any way, to any thing.

Yoga and massage are my go to and I’ve been able to do those things for the past 3 days and they have helped.

I spent Tuesday pretty much wasted and a bit guilty because I was drunk to the point of illness but..the next day I felt pretty okay. On the other side of despair anyways.

But mainly the point is, do what you need to do for self care. This is the first day I’ve been able to reach out without feeling consumed by anger and grief. They are still present but pacified/muted in a way. And this process began with tears and pineapple rum.
Just saying.


Isidora Ficovic

Image Source 

5 Days of Yoga

I have been doing yoga every day this week, since Tuesday. I started doing a DVD I used to do in my early 2os, called Power Yoga by Bryan Kest.  It has been kicking my butt but in a good way. Over the years, since I have practiced with this DVD, I have been doing what I call intuitive yoga, which entails moving my body the way it wants to from asana to asana. Even when I have not had time for full sessions of yoga, I usually do Sun Salutations. Any yoga is better than no yoga, is what I tell myself. What I came to realize during the last few days is that I am entirely too easy on myself. I haven’t really been challenging myself and this 1st program on the DVD (Energize) is really engaging every single part of my body. My arms are like, whoa! Going back to this DVD has me also thinking about my past. Thinking about how different my body is. I am 37 years old now and I weigh 40 pounds more than I did when I used to do this sequences of asanas. I don’t have breasts anymore and I can sense that difference of balance in my body. It’s been a little over 10 months and I’m all healed up but it feels sort of like starting anew.  There is familiarity and also a sense of foreignness. I’m looking forward to continuing with the practice and being more grounded in my body and healthier overall. I feel like I am getting to know myself all over again, which is exciting!

Yoga and Childhood Trauma

Wanted to share this article that a friend of mine shared on FB tonight.

My response:

Interesting.  The environment I was raised in was one of mental and emotional upheaval/abuse. I moved out on my own shortly after my 17th birthday. When I was about 19 one of my Aunts sent me a book called Yoga, Youth, and Reincarnation by Jess Stearn, that she had read in the 70s. I started reading up on yoga and practicing it. The whole idea for me was to become whole and live from that perspective. To unify mind, body, and soul. To heal all the parts of me that I left behind (suppressed, abandoned) because of fear. Yoga has been a blessing throughout my adult life. One of the things I love about it is, no matter where I am I can practice it. I only need my body (no other equipment) and a little space. I’ve practiced in bathrooms and hallways in the very recent past. Starting with it at a young age, as the brain was still malleable, has been helpful, because, let’s say I haven’t practiced in awhile, like I got sick, or busy with work and relationships or whatever, as soon as I start back my body reacts favorably, like, “Oh, it’s time to be healthy.” It’s like it’s hard wired. It’s hard to describe but in my body there is this feeling of familiarity that is almost immediate. So, nuerobiofeedback along with the practice of yoga in any of its forms will help these young survivors of abuse and neglect and advance the understanding of the science of yoga and its many benefits.

The Illusion of Strength

I woke up feeling rested and clear. For the past week my schedule has changed. I’ve been going to bed after sunrise, (my preferred schedule) sometimes after 6a and as late as 8am. I’ve been waking in the afternoon, usually between 1400-1530. I still do my “morning” self massage with coconut oil and then do light yoga. I’ve been riding my bike at night (I love night bike rides!), usually about 30-40 minutes. This week I had been feeling heavy and lethargic but today I feel strong, the tone of my body felt good when I did the massage. It felt strong. I felt strong. My mind feels clearer. I feel more capable. More confident. I’ve decided to focus on getting my physical body healthy again in the hope that the mind and emotions will follow and maybe form a nice ménage à trois.

There are a lot of things that I want to do this year. I want to continue studying how to (code) program, using Khan Academy and Codecademy as my primary resources. Khan Academy is brilliant. Last summer I started watching The Art History videos. I want to check out the Biology section and the Economics section. I plan to start studying music theory again. Also, write more. At least a journal. To write in a journal will help me organize my thoughts better. I’ve been all bottled up and confused and unsure about my future. My thinking has been muddled. I’ve primarily been worried and my mindset has been one of avoidance.
I head back to San Diego the day after tomorrow. Back to work. A friend of mine has offered his couch to me for 4 days and then I’ll come back here to my Aunt and Uncle’s. They’ll be out of town so I’ll have the house to myself for 4 days.
As far as Fuck The Limits! 30 Day Art Challenge, I’ve been editing photos, sketching, writing terrible little 4 line poems but you know, still creating and I am glad for it.